Psychic 900 Numbers
Ok, the airwaves (or at least the cable waves) seem to be inundated with different Psychic lines, all with similar names. It reminds me of all of the revolutionary group names used in Monty Python's Life of Brian: Psychic Reader's Network, Psychic Friend's Network, Real Psychic Network, etc. Anyway, many of these lines use hooks along the line of, "My psychic said I'd win the lottery, and I did!" Ok, so if they can see into the future, wouldn't you have won the lottery *without* their saying so? I mean, it's not like I'd go and buy tickets just because they say so, and if you did, that would defeat the purpose because the more you bought, the more chance you'd have of winning. They also refer to relationships this way, "Does XXX love me?" Well, if he doesn't, honey, no psychic can help you.
Ok, so another question of mine is: how does one go about being a psychic on these lines? I've checked the web sites and e-mailed to the networks (the ones where you could actually *find* an e-mail address) with no response. I wanna get a job there. Moreover, I wanna see the screening process they use to choose psychics. Is there some test, or do I just have to know the names of the people who are screening me? I'm gonna research this further, so keep your eyes here.
My idea to start my own Psychic Line is to start the Existential
Psychics Network:
"Hi, thanks for calling the Existential Psychic Network, you're calling
because you're not happy?
"Right...how did you know so quickly?"
"I'm a psychic, that's why you're calling."
"Wow, I'm gonna tell all my friends."
"You do that...I bet they're as unhappy as you."
"Wow...anyway, I'm having problems with my boyfriend. What can
I do?"
"Hmm...I see a horrible breakup and a car accident, possibly with
valium involved."
"Amazing, you know about the valium."
"Yeah, real stretch, anyway, I don't see much of a way to prevent
this. On other fronts, you work a dead-end job that you hate, you
aren't much of a leader or doer, and you like to go to bars and hang
out on weekends. You let men abuse you, and you aren't very responsible
with your money."
"WOW!!! It's like you've known me all my life! But how can I make
my life better?"
"You can't, your life is inescapable, and you're meant to suffer
endlessly until you pass that suffering on to your children."
"I'm going to have kids?!?! I'm so happy, thank you Existential
Psychic Network!"
Prescription Drugs
Ok, so there have also been a lot of commericials lately about
(what I assume are) prescription drugs. I have a problem with this,
too (getting the hang of this site yet?). First, if you don't need
the drugs, the commercials are confusing because they don't say
what they're for. Is this an intentional attempt to get non-users
to try their drugs? Can we talk doctors into giving up prescription
medicine we don't need?
Second, let's suppose I have a prescription, AND I know what the
drug they're advertising does. So now I, Joe Chemistry, go to my
doctor, a trained professional, and tell them that I need a different
drug because I saw this guy on TV climbing rocks or windsurfing on
wheat??? Where are these companies coming from? I thought advertising
prescription medicine was illegal!!
Collect Calling
Ok, first off, in his new book
The Dilbert Future, Scott Adams talks
about "Spiderweb Marketing." The principle is that all of the
companies advertising a product get together and make it *so*
confusing as to which product is better that you have no other reason
to use one product over another other than the commericals and ads.
Collect calling has done a prime job of this type of marketing. The
only difference between 1-800-COLLECT and 1-800-CALL-ATT that I can
see is that one saves you for interstate calls and the
other saves you for intrastate calls. Ok, first, I doubt
most people can figure out which is for what. To clarify:
inter=between, intra=within. Even *if* they know the difference,
to actually remember which is more useful in a given situation is
highly unlikely.
The kicker though, is the "save up to XX% over a call from BLAH
(the other one, dialing 0, etc.)" Ok, sure, but one thought:
YOU'D SAVE THAT PERSON A LOT MORE BY PAYING FOR THE CALL YOURSELF,
IDIOT!
Geez, I hope people figure this one out. I can see the times that
you don't have money, etc., but does this happen often enough to
merit a major advertising campaign and a marketing war? I think I've
been called collect less than 20 times in my life, and I've made
less than 10 collect calls. I know other people's times may vary,
but really, how much money can this bring in vs. what they're
spending? The only solution is that people really don't collect call
that much, and they needed to create another market!